I’m doing stuff lately, and what I mean by ‘stuff’ is just thinking, err. . . a lot.
First, I admitted I wanted to try and lend my voice to the radio for your handsome ears at Radio Lab (go to Previous entry if you haven’t read on it yet!), but now I’ve gone and crossed the danger zone, where you’d see me in my wholesome awesome-ness. How about I do some Vlogging?
Now, for those douches who don’t know what a ‘vlogger’ is, I just want to call you a douche again. Now that I’ve done that – keep on reading, DOUCHE.
It’s a blog but in the shape and form of a video. So you can set up your style through editing and camera angles. You could use your mobile camera to make a vlog entry and just upload it onto a network sharing website for your friends to see and let them speak of their debatable opinions of how you look fat in that shirt. And you probably shouldn’t argue back because you probably do look fat; the camera tends to add ten pounds and you’ll look like you’d look like you’d eaten 5 of them.
A great example is right in front of your square eyes, my little douchies. Just look on the homepage of YouTube. It’s got millions of them fecksters, just people who are giving their opinions through their webcams on internet videos they consider funny or disgusting or just atrociously stupid, like 3 times over the minimum retard level.
Sometimes if you search specific keywords, you get the real good sports, like those who have the talent to do something funny on camera instead of talking on it, about it; VLOGGERS.
One of my favourites on YouTube include a guy who goes by the name ‘Peter Chao’. Check him out on his channel ‘Pyrobooby’ (a breast on fire; that’s a level 1 retard level name). He’s Chinese, and most of the time he sounds angry, or is eating Chinese food, and wants to ‘fuk da modaa beechez’ but he can’t pronounce the letter L in any word. He knows how to work a crowd, because he’s got character.
With 2 million worldwide subscribers, Chao from Vancouver has been able to make himself a household name by immature adults and cool kids alike with his ‘Chao outside Muthafucka’ slogan and eccentric hateful behaviour towards his prostitute mother, Mama Chao. He has fans following him on Facebook, Twitter and Flickr, and many other media platforms that have made him an international star and got him a chance at making a film that loyal fans would pay to watch.
See, the thing about that is that it takes guts and a fully functioning brain to rack out a twangin’ good vlog; it could help you make some serious money. Guys like ‘Picnicface’ from Halifax, US are recognised by comic Hollywood talents such as Will Farrell for just acting out some well-written scripts and songs. And ‘Schmoyoho’ is a recent example of who were instantly shot to fame with their auto-tune song of Antoine Dodson’s news interview about beating off his sister’s rapist, appropriately named ‘Bed Intruder Song’ that is now currently at the top 3 in the iTunes chart.
What I’m debating at the moment is that I’d like to do it, but again it’s the time and effort I have to make-to-make just one ass-o-holic video. The editing, the lighting, locations, positions, and most importantly, what topic I’d talk about each time. As a person with certain religious attributes *cough cough – scarf, lady manners*, I have to be careful as I’ll be representin’, ya’know what I’m sayin’?
Aw shucks, comment below to let me know whether you think I should try sticking my face in front of the screen instead of hiding behind a keyboard and saying mean stuff with just word entries. If you pep me up enough, I’ll do it!
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Ohh…uh, no. I just remembered the cons of this game.
Sometimes, you can epically win the viewers over in the most epic failing way. Type in ‘I’M NOT FAT’ in Youtube or Google and a huge fat guy turns up on top of the search saying he’s not fat, when clearly, the camera is blatantly showing us otherwise. He’s currently seeing a psychologist for the virtual online bullying he has received through comments on his vlog. What a downer on having a vlog. Or maybe instead of spending all that money with a skinny shrink, go to gym. Or have the patriotic decency to just lie down in the middle of the road and help the government introduce speed humps.
PLEASE NOTE
If you’re obese, like goddamn disgusting fat AND non-American and you’re reading this, don’t pretend to be offended. You know you ain’t got no sympathy for the Burger-King pucker lips in the United Fatland of America. And they do need speed humps, go and join them; they want you dead anyway, fatsos. Here’s some proof in the keywords that involve America and what they want to do to you: GLOBALIZATION, THE NEW WORLD ORDER, KILLING BABIES, KILLING FAT PEOPLE – oh look, you’re on the list. Wow, jheez, sorry to be the one tell you. *snigger*
BACK TO THE STORY…
If the petition to see my pretty face up all on YouTube gets the green and I end up like that guy mentioned ^
I’m going to bomb you. I’ll bomb you farewell.
P.S Americans, gawsh they’re so annoying on COD, always over the top and screaming down their mics as if we care –
‘I killeds him, I killeds him! Why is I dey’d? WTF man WTF. Aww man, aww dude are you serious? ARE YO FO REEEEL?! OH MA DA-’ *Mute*
