Uni's Over, Back in The Vale

So uni's been over for like a month and four days and it seems that I've attempted to make the most of something from nothing. By this, I mean mostly nothing.

I'm overly tired from being constantly woken up at 8am but I enjoy sitting with the family at the breakfast table. The garden apparently needs a lot of attention in the mornings, and my baby nephew demands it in the afternoon through the evening. I have to get used to the supposed noisy normality of family dinners and to become familiar to the rules again, such as not going out when I choose to. I have to be careful with my spending as so my mum doesn't spot I've brought new shoes to add to my 100+ personal collection and I have to learn to hide my parking fines from prying eyes.

There's a lot of 'have to's' but there doesn't seem to be much else that isn't a daily routine of chores or activities. I should be shot for calling chores 'activities' - they're nothing but busy labouring little obstacles that keep me bound to the house until I find a paying job.

The Vale's society is another thing I've still need to get my head around. When you see Luton, you find its  inhabitants are really backwards and religiously dorky, but then you head further south into London, everyone else thinks you live in a backward cousin-marrying farm. That's the story all around for a particular ethnic minority, but you realise how much of it is true when someone different from you points it out. Backwardness: the ultimate definition of some wayward Pakis.

I look at Aylesbury as I'm driving around and think to myself that this town can't be that at all. Then I start  looking at some of the residents as they're coming out of their homes to mow their lawns and tend to their flower pots and waving hello to one another and ask how one's health is, I find its a comfort, an idyllic place of living. Then the Pakis come trawling out and exploding their children across the park and then it's like oh my gosh where did these overgrown rats come from :(

I usually like interacting with people, so as long as they don't ask me whose daughter I am. I find that they are looking for a pre-set judgement and to see if my parent's reputation is highly praised enough in order for them to continue conversing with me. In some ways, it is an amazing favour in terms of when I need to disconnect from the social stereotypes already placed upon me and to allow myself to recreate a profile to another audience; i.e. Telling them I'm the sweetest little Asian girl around, winkity wink.

So this summer, I've got a to-do list: get in touch with the Council, sell to them my pitch about making a  film about Aylesbury and getting people involved in it and then getting the community involved with the Vale big time so that life seems like one big party.

.....Except...

Although I dunno how good I am at that, especially if there's no money talking to me :(

Not Exactly Post Grad Yet

So God knows when was the last time I updated this Blogger but its obvious it is no longer a frustrated passion of mine to slam my fingers onto my keyboard to let out a few voracious rants. Twitter is equally neglected and Facebook seems like something I used eons ago.

I am a woman now. I have responsibilities, roles, expectations, excetera, excetera. I no longer swing my arms around with innocent hopefulness that someone will give me things just because I look small and younger than my age. I don't get certain exemptions neither - before all I did was use my wit and charm and say that I was a talented and ambitious writer and usually people brought that. I got what I wanted, and I was usually content.

Third year of university had sucked out the charm and wit and replaced it with something that made me ghoulish and surly. I began to lose focus and I was spinning out control even when both my feet where firmly on the ground. I wasn't sure what I was doing and I don't remember doing much. Its as if the year didn't exist and I was like a computer that had crashed and lost all its unsaved documents.

I didn't have a meltdown, but my family were. You see, there's a wedding currently happening in our house, my elder brother is due to get married next week. I have heard about this upcoming event for the past year as each day had past and when the parents try to get you involved whilst you're studying, you often feel like you can't make a commitment to both things that need your help, needless of what they say.

I was stuck between studying and sorting out evening dresses, venues, dances, themes and such. Now the time has come; I'm almost due to graduate, but I get my results during the first few days of the wedding. Depending on what I get will probably effect my mood throughout the bloody celebrations.

I find it funny how things like this happen. When there's opportunity knocking at the door and you're not sure whether to open it up and embrace it because you're tied down by other commitments. Then you realise life is too short to regret it later. You only live once and you should live it well. Not to say that you'll abuse the trust you've gained from parents but to allow them to believe that yes, you are responsible and that you need to do things for yourself in order to be happy. Happiness is a factor that should be in our hearts and minds at all times, and when you don't feel it, find something that makes you happy. Eat well, pray well, live well.

So let's recap: in a weeks time, I get my results. In a weeks time also is a wedding which will see my brother establish a new stage in his life. In a weeks time, I should be the happiest person in the world. How will I make sure this happens?

By booking a fucking holiday.